No. 48

Date: July 29, 2006 - 3:25 am

Name: Mandy-Jo

i hope u r are happy with ur self. i cant deal w it anymore. u have fucked up so many peoples lives just to make urself happy..just to let u know u daughter, kaylah dahnay miron, yea ur blood, our blood is here reading this right now....i told her about ur "accident" today and yea i felt like shit......all i can say is fuck you......................

No. 47

Date: July 27, 2006 - 2:59 pm

Name: T

Is Kaylah makin gang signs in this pic?

No. 46

Date: July 25, 2006 - 3:15 pm

Name: T

Hey E,
Me again. went to have a cig with you the other day... I am not sure if yoiu even know I am there or what the fuck all of this is. i am not even sure why I am here anymore. I know I miss you and think of you everyday. I hope that you are ok. I guess that is my biggest fear. The fear that you might not be alright where you are. That you might be wishing you were back with us, or maybe everything is cool and you are just chillin out there playin cards. I hope it is the latter.
We all miss you so much. Mandy has even changed over her drink of choice to BudLight. I thought that was cute.
The boys are getting so big and the baby is gorgeous. Ethan still asks about you and says he misses you. Everytime we drive by the cemetary I have to stop for him. He puts your cigarette in the little bird house (oh by the way he wishes he was a bird...don't ask me why but...)

So anyway me and Mandy are going to spend a week up in Otis with the kids. i am wicked excited. I really can't wait. This has really brought us together so much more than we were before. I love the fact that we are closer but I am also bummed that it took something like this... I treasure her and Kaylah.

I really wish I wouldnt cry right now.....man wtf. I lok at your pic right there and I feel so fucking sad. I just wish you were sitting here next to me. Fuck.I have so much I want to talk to you about and I feel like this website is the only way to reach you, but I know that other people read it. So I try to write to you on paper but for some reason it doesn't feel the same as writing on here.
I miss your voice.
I miss your laugh , but most of all I miss you. I am never going to have the same relationship with anyone as I had with you and that fucking kills me. Nothing is the same anymore. Jesse is never around, Me and amie don't get along the same. Nothing is between us anymore, it just seems like everyone is in everyone elses business and it sucks. I feel like I cant talk to anyone. I freakin miss you sooo much, I want to fix everything for you and I cant, I want you to fix everything for me and you cant.

I just miss you so much. I miss you and me and Jesse. Corey was even getting to the age to start hangin with us... by the way he is a hell of an asshole player! I just get so lonely all the time at home when I know if you were here you would be hangin with me. Jesse is always workin, Corey never answers his phone (he is at that age!).
I just feel like a pest to them.
I don't know I guess I just feel like a pest in general. Maybe I am goin through some fucking mental breakdown again, like post partum depression, who the hell knows. I have never been right. Right? hahah well I cant breath on account that my nose is completely stuffed from cryin and I need to go do some more cleaning because I have let the house turn into a pig sty, becuse I just don't care about anything right now.
I just want to pull myself back together, I wish you were here to help me, and then I would help you. I have turned out to be such a fucking loser, I fucking hate it. See now if you were here you would yell at me....

So I know I am going to get mad shit about writing all this to u. But don't worry nobody will say it to my face. HHAHAHAH Thought you would get a kick out of that. I miss you dog.
OK I Love you ByeBye
T

No. 45

Date: July 16, 2006 - 9:39 pm

Name: Amie

I thought you'd be amused that the thought of you still makes me want to throw up..... Thanks buck!

No. 44

Date: July 6, 2006 - 9:38 am

Name: mandy-jo....again

opps i meant cant change....i wish we could....

No. 43

Date: July 6, 2006 - 9:37 am

Name: Mandy-Jo

well its my turn to venture back up to otis. i know its going to be rough especially considering ive never been up there without you. i was just writing a letter to erik, talking about last year when we went up and he was supposed to come. he didnt cuz you were punishing him for being him...lol i was saying to him that maybe if he had come he wouldnt of went back to jail (its a year today) and maybe you wouldnt have done what you did. but we can change any of that now - which is horrible!!

i think kyle and matt are coming up later on tonight too - just like last year! i just wish there was a way for you to be with us. i still miss you so much, it still hurts! kaylah and i decided that you have done some stupid things like throw a sandel at the glass door in the bedroom and not wear a helmet! she is so innocent!! it hurts me to see her hurt - knowing i cant take away the pain or change whats causing it rips me apart inside.

well i have to go back to the doctors cuz i had my 6th toe chopped off on my left foot - i know youre laughing right now! im sure i will write again on saturday when i get back from otis. im not staying for the fireworks because you will not be there! i love you with all my heart and always will. i miss you so much! please visit me!! xoxoxo

No. 42

Date: July 5, 2006 - 3:27 pm

Name: T

What up E?

Finally made it up to Otis. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but it was hard! Was cleanin out the closet and the dressers and came across your maroon shirt and your blanket. The blanket still smells like you. Even Kaylah was amazed.
I miss you so much. I wish you knew how much I needed you.
You were the one who always stood by me and never judged me. You loved me for what I am and not what I did, and I love you the same. I just wish everyone was like that. I could really use a friend right now and someone to lean on, I always counted on you for that.
Well I am geting sappy and I know if you were sitting next to me listening to this you would be shifting in your seat and looking really uncomfortable, so I love you and I miss you.
T

No. 41

Date: June 8, 2006 - 11:05 am

Name: T

What up E.
Well the baby is here. I am pissed that he will never know what an awesome time it was to spend time with you.
I am pissed that you can't enjoy him. I am pissed that you will never be able to tease him or throw him in the air or pinch him. But most of all I am pissed that none of us can do that anymore.
I miss you so much, now more than ever. I want to scream at you and cuss you out. I want to kick your ass and give you a huge hug. I miss you so much.
You were my backbone and support. My savior when I thought I was going down.
Ethan misses you too, he always wants to see pictures of you. Jut and Alec too. Alec can't help but cry when anyone talks about you.
Everyone went up to Otis for Memorial Day, Kaylah included. I couldn't go. I don't know if I am going to be able to go anytime soon. I am afraid that being up there is going to rip me apart.
I am afraid of a lot of things. I am afraid to drink, because I will have a meltdown, I am afraid to go out, because who is going to have my back when I start a bar brawl? HHAHAAHAH
We had fun E. I miss you. T

No. 40

Date: May 16, 2006 - 5:12 am

Name: MOM

Yeah, Eric so now we know what a mess you made of yourself. It was the first time I felt angry at you. That effort and energy could have been used towards loving and raising Kaylah. The pain you inflicted on your daughter for the rest of her life is extremely difficult to soothe. When I watch her play or speak of you (Daddy), I am thinking you will never know the joys of your little girl. She will never know what it feels like to have Daddy,s lap or body to jump on. You will never experience how difficult to raise a child. You will become a memory for her and then a distant one. She is unwilling to accept anyone else in her life as she hangs onto the freshest memories of her daddy.
Last night, she asked me as we were sitting on the couch, "If there was a fire in the house what would I save first?" We looked up at your urn that holds what remains of you. She smiled and nodded yes. When father's day and daddy functions come around there will be no substitute for you. You abandoned your daughter without any chance of returning. THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU COULD HAVE DONE OR EVER DID.
PS Missed you on Mother's Day and every day. LY MOM

No. 39

Date: May 15, 2006 - 1:30 pm

Name: mandy-jo

well the results are in. i already knew what they would turn out to be but the hurt and sadness is still so tremendous. i am - still after six months - constantly thinking about you. you have broken my heart and i dont think it can ever be mended.

yesterday was mothers day and it was very upsetting that me and kaylah could not spend it with you. even though i am her mother, i couldnt have been without you so it should be a day we all spend together. we were supposed to be so much together!

i love and miss you with my entire heart. the pain is still so unbearable at times. i talked to my mom today and she said its ok that im sad and cry and time will make it easier. i dont want to be sad anymore eric!!

i am constantly reminded of you and things we used to do. i signed kay up for cheerleading on saturday and i know that will never be the same. we talked about otis yesterday and i know that wont ever be the same. family parties, vacations, dinner, gabys, outback, coffee....it all reminds me of you.

i wish you could stand in front of me so i could see you, touch you, hold you, kiss you....tell you it would of all been ok. i miss you eric!! please visit me tonight and dont make me more upset than i am. i love you and always will!!